Article 1, section 8 also says that Congress has the power to “punish piracies and felonies committed on the high seas”. There’s a clear implied limit here. Obviously the Framers didn’t want Congress to punish piracy on the low seas. Similarly, they didn’t want Congress punishing piracy in homes or businesses.
I think we’ve got some laws to challenge here.
[More seriously, Felten suggests that we ask permission of companies who claim silly restrictions. “Call Turner Broadcasting and ask permission to fast-forward through the commercials in their shows. Call Adobe and ask permission to read their e-book of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland to your kid.”]